


Never let me go

by Viraha



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Childhood Friends, Coming Out, Falling In Love, Feelings Realization, First Kiss, First Time, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, Getting Together, Happy Ending, Idiots in Love, Implied Sexual Content, Jealous Tsukishima Kei, Jealousy, Love Confessions, M/M, Misunderstandings, Mutual Pining, Pining, Pining Tsukishima Kei, Requited Love, Self-Esteem Issues, mentions of bullying
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-01
Updated: 2020-04-01
Packaged: 2021-02-28 19:33:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,719
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23432455
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Viraha/pseuds/Viraha
Summary: Kei didn't know exactly when his feelings towards Yamaguchi had started to change.In which Tsukishima realizes his feelings, has a meltdown, doesn't say anything about it, gets jealous, and Yamaguchi quietly tries to make the best of his unrequited feelings.
Relationships: (implied) Kageyama Tobio/Hinata Shouyou, Kageyama Tobio & Tsukishima Kei, Tsukishima Kei & Yamaguchi Tadashi, Tsukishima Kei/Yamaguchi Tadashi
Comments: 29
Kudos: 626





	Never let me go

**Author's Note:**

> Translation of my Italian fic [Never let me go](https://efpfanfic.net/viewstory.php?sid=3806388&i=1), by [Maiko_chan](https://efpfanfic.net/viewuser.php?uid=483042) (still me)

Kei didn't know exactly when his feelings towards Yamaguchi had started to change.

The first time he noticed was at the end of his sophomore year in high school. He was at the gym training with the team, as they did every day. He watched him keep his eyes fixed on the ball, to concentrate better, and held his breath when he threw it upwards and took a run for the jump. When he hovered in the air, Tsukishima felt like hours had passed, not only a few seconds, before he landed on the gym floor.

Yamaguchi’s slender, muscular figure was fixed in focus in his memory in all the smallest details: he could remember how his hair moved in disarray around his face, longer now compared to how they used to reach only the bottom of his ears; how sweat beaded his freckled skin; how his shirt rose to reveal his abs, and how his thighs were a bundle of tense muscles.

The ball headed towards Nishinoya, who couldn't do anything to stop it from falling, and then congratulated Yamaguchi for the splendidly executed serve; Tsukishima dreamily thought that splendid was Yamaguchi, not the serve. He stopped suddenly, surprised by himself, because he never thought he'd attribute the adjective _attractive_ to his childhood friend.

He saw Yamaguchi turn around and run to join him at the exit of the gymnasium, smiling openly. Kei only reciprocated by bending slightly his lips and waited to hear him say the nickname that had been with him all his life, his stomach twisted in a sweet grip.

_"Tsukki!"_

_Yamaguchi was eight years old when he started calling him with that nickname and still managed to get his cheeks dirty with ice cream. Kei didn't know whether he liked it or just found it ridiculous. He looked with ill-concealed interest at the fragile little boy who had started following him everywhere with unexpected determination._

_If someone asked him, Tsukishima would probably have said it wasn't so bad to have Yamaguchi around all the time._

_No one ever asked, though._

_Yamaguchi ran up to him and gave him one of those huge smiles that Kei had already started to associate only with him. Tsukishima felt his cheeks burn, but it wasn't long before he recovered._

_"You're late, Yamaguchi."_

_The child looked at him with some trepidation, with the expression that Tsukishima had now learned to associate with fear. For a moment, he didn't like being so_ tall _._

_"Sorry, Tsukki..."_

_Another thing Kei knew, besides the fact that he loved dinosaurs and strawberry pie and hated summer, was that he couldn't stand seeing Yamaguchi sad._

_"After my brother's game, let's go eat chips at the club we went to last time?"_

_Yamaguchi looked at him with bright eyes, and Kei decided that it was okay to like him so much, too._

Going home together was a habit that's been going on since elementary school. Tsukishima had never dwelt much on how relaxing those few hundred yards were when he walked with Yamaguchi, who kept talking until they had to say goodbye for the day.

"Tsukki, I'm so sorry! I can't go home with you today!"

Tsukishima flexed an eyebrow, surprised: as far as he knew Shimada was giving lessons to Yamaguchi only on Monday. Today was Wednesday.

He finished buttoning his shirt calmly, then stretched out to get his uniform jacket. Kei only looked at Yamaguchi when he finished dressing.

"Do you have to train with Shimada-san again? I thought you'd only see him on Mondays by now," he asked, putting his bag on his shoulder.

Yamaguchi blushed a little and Kei could feel an icy sensation of discomfort come up and chain his heart.

"No, um, you're right, I'm not seeing Shimada-san today," he replied, playing with the strap of his bag. "I... I promised a friend to help her with her homework."

"Oh." For the first time in a long time, Tsukishima didn't know what to say. He looked away from his friend, pretending to hear a notification on his phone. "All right, see you tomorrow then."

"Yes, see you tomorrow Tsukki."

Tsukishima walked towards the door and placed his hand on the handle that he did not lower, struck by a sudden hesitation. When he spoke, he hoped his voice would come out indifferent as always.

"By any chance..." he saw Yamaguchi turn around and chain his irises with his own and, oh, what was that unexpected glow in his eyes? "Are you meeting Hayashi-san?"

"Yes..." Was it a strange smile you saw on Yamaguchi's lips or was it just an impression? "Yes, I'm seeing her," he concluded, more firmly.

Tsukishima nodded slowly and came out of the locker room.

The journey home seemed longer and more tiring than usual and, as soon as he crossed the threshold of his room, he threw himself on the bed. ' _It's the training,_ ' he thought, taking off his glasses, ' _it's getting more and more demanding..._ '

He took the stegosaurus model he had on his nightstand and started running his fingers over it, trying to relax. He felt a bizarre stiffness in his muscles and assumed he hadn't done the final stretching properly.

It wasn't Yamaguchi and that insufferable girl's fault that he was feeling so down, it just wasn't.

' _No_ ,' he said to himself, ' _I don't care if that…_ girl _hits on him.'_ He went over the sharp plates on the model's back with his phalanges, _'Yamaguchi is so stupid, he doesn't even notice she's been hitting on him for months now.'_

He wrinkled his nose and let his lips bend in a grimace of disgust. He closed his eyelids for a few seconds, but the image of two of them kissing passionately, caressing each other, rolled before his eyes. He sat abruptly on the bed, his expression so sullen that it’d frightened even the bravest of his acquaintances. He undressed quickly and headed towards the bathroom, ready for the shower.

No, he didn't give a damn.

* * *

The school hallways were noisy despite the music coming from his headphones. It was a cacophony of different and divergent sounds, but Tsukishima wasn't bothered by them: at least he could avoid picking up conversations he didn't want to hear. His grades had improved further that year, so he was moved to third class, while Yamaguchi stayed in fourth. He was heading towards his friend's classroom, because it was the closest to the exit near the gym, and by mutual agreement, they had decided to meet in front of the flight of stairs near Yamaguchi's class.

He took off his headphones and turned the corner, ready to hear Yamaguchi's voice calling out to him like every time. What he heard instead was a woman's laughter. His ears were ringing as he approached Yamaguchi and Hayashi-san, who kept touching Yamaguchi's arm like it was the most natural thing in the world. Tsukishima realized, as soon as he noticed the way Yamaguchi tried to pull her away from him with a certain delicacy, that Yamaguchi probably didn't like the classmate's company very much. His lips bent in a derisive smile that he didn't even try to hold back, all in the direction of that _pathetic_ girl.

"Yamaguchi." His best friend raised his head with a snap, meeting his eyes, and escaped Hayashi-san's grip with a fluid movement. "We have to go."

"I've been waiting for you, Tsukki!" Yamaguchi's voice was louder than usual, but Tsukishima welcomed it as an unexpected balm on his nerves. He strengthened his grip on the handle of his bag when he saw Yamaguchi turn around and wave at the pathetic girl, who kept twirling a lock of hair between her fingers and fluttering her lashes voluptuously.

They descended the first flight of stairs in silence and Tsukishima noticed that Yamaguchi's skin was much paler than usual. ' _Is he feeling sick?_ ' he thought, reaching out to take his wrist, and was about to call out to him when-

"Yamaguchi-kun?" Hayashi-san's chirping voice sounded like an annoying squeal, something he never wanted to hear again. "Think about what I said!" She stated, bursting out in a high-pitched laugh and moving her hips in a way that seemed completely unnatural to Tsukishima.

He would have asked for explanations if his throat hadn't suddenly dried up, leaving him with words stuck between his lungs and his heart.

Yamaguchi's ears were so red that Kei thought they looked like strawberries.

* * *

Training for Tsukishima felt like a little eternity. His legs were aching because of the effort he had put them through: distracted as he was, jumping to wall up the increasingly effective attacks of the weird duo had proved extremely difficult. He drank greedily from his water bottle, letting the fresh liquid bring him some relief, and went to sit near the exit, leaning against the wall of the gym and breathing hard.

When he opened his eyes, what he wasn't expecting to see was Kageyama's grim figure standing out in front of him.

"Oi."

Tsukishima looked with contempt at the setter, who reciprocated with an ominous glare. They looked at each other doggedly for a few minutes. Kei struggled to hide his surprise when Kageyama suddenly huffed and sat down next to him.

This day kept getting weirder and weirder.

"You sucked today," broke out Kageyama, staring straight ahead.

"Does the tyrant king care for his subjects?" he asked, voice as derisive as possible. He didn't like where this conversation was going. At all.

Kageyama barked an insult, glaring at him. From afar he saw Hinata watching the scene and gesticulating to Kageyama what he thought were encouragements.

How irritating those two idiots were.

At that point, he would have expected the King to get up, but he didn't. Kei huffed, staying silent.

"You had a fight with Yamaguchi?"

Tsukishima froze, caught off guard.

"What makes you think that, King?" he spat out, fixing his glasses.

Kageyama looked at him like he was stupid.

"Yamaguchi didn't get a serve right, and you were pitiful..." he paused, wiping the sweat off his brow, "pretty much at everything" he finished, spelling out the words obnoxiously.

Tsukishima had at least a dozen answers in his mind, one more pungent than the other, but suddenly he felt so tired that he could only grunt.

"Hinata forced me to come to talk to you while he went to Yamaguchi." Kageyama stood up, dusting off his shorts. "At least don't bring your quarrel into the game."

"We didn't fight."

Kageyama looked at him as if he were an idiot for the second time, and Tsukishima began to feel the urge to make some sarcastic comment with an intensity that surprised even himself.

"Talk to him, idiot."

Kageyama left him to go to Hinata and, even from there, he could still see Kageyama's ears. They were red.

'They don't look like strawberries,' Tsukishima thought, sighing.

_Tsukishima realized that Yamaguchi had no confidence whatsoever when they arrived in sixth grade and found themselves in the same class. Kei surpassed everyone by at least two inches and girls had started leaving love letters in his locker. Every time he found one, he got a bizarre feeling between arrogance and irritation._

_Yamaguchi never got any._

_Kei realized something was wrong when he found his best friend in the men's bathroom looking at his image in the mirror as if he was the ugliest thing he had ever seen. It was something that scared the hell out of him._

_Tsukishima had no idea how to deal with the subject, nor how to make him understand that what was going through his head was all nonsense._

_They went to eat the chips Yamaguchi liked so much, but even that didn't seem to have much effect. Tsukishima was horrified to realize that he did not know much about what Yamaguchi liked or what made him feel good._

_He closed the tap on the bathroom sink and dried his hands with the handkerchiefs he had brought with him. He cleaned his glasses calmly, brooding over those thoughts as he returned to class, finding there a scene that froze his blood in his veins._

_Yamaguchi was on the ground with shoe prints all over his uniform, curled up in the fetal position. Kei picked him up and run to the infirmary, his heart beating furiously in his ears. That night Kei slept in the same futon as Yamaguchi, holding him while he cried, and telling him that there was nothing wrong with him._

_Yamaguchi didn't return to school until after a week._

_Meanwhile, Kei had managed to convince the class coordinators to move them both to another section, helped by their parents._

_Yamaguchi started smiling again a few weeks after._

_Tsukishima realized that everything would be fine when, the following year, Yamaguchi told him that freckles weren't so bad after all - after eating an extra-large portion of fries._

They returned home together after practice and Yamaguchi was full of chatter all the way, although Tsukishima noticed the tension stiffening his shoulders. He played distractedly with the headphone wire, rolling it between his fingers; he wasn't good at making conversation. He could be prickly and sardonic, but he always tried to control himself with Yamaguchi. He didn't often feel the need to talk when he was with him, because he liked to listen to the way the boy modulated his voice as he told him about his day.

Today, however, he felt a thousand words coming to his lips - broken thoughts without any sense - and he tried to hold them back; he had a thousand questions in his head and they were all addressed to Yamaguchi.

Always, to Yamaguchi.

"Tsukki... what do you think of Hayashi-san?"

That was the last subject he wanted to talk about: just thinking about the girl in question gave him an annoying headache. He turned around and glared slightly, raising an eyebrow.

"I don't even remember her face." Liar, he remembered it well when she was clinging to Yamaguchi in his nightmares.

"Come on, Tsukki! My classmate, the one who was with me in front of the stairs today..."

"Yes, I get it, Yamaguchi, but that doesn't mean I paid attention to her face," he huffed.

Kei saw Yamaguchi torturing the hem of his uniform and his breath got stuck in his throat.

"If you don't mind..." he watched Yamaguchi's Adam's apple rise and fall, sliding his eyes to his jaw.

It was the second time Tsukishima thought Yamaguchi was handsome.

"...we could go out together, you, me and her."

Yamaguchi's eyes were glowing and reflecting the sunset. When he told him it was okay as long as he bought him a piece of strawberry cake, the boy turned around and Tsukishima did not see how his eyes lost the brightness that had characterized them a few seconds earlier.

Tsukishima did not notice anything even when they separated like usual. At home his mother welcomed him with her habitual cheerfulness, reminding him that dinner would be served in about an hour. He almost forgot that he had agreed to a group meeting when a message from an unknown cell phone appeared on his cell phone:

Tsukishima-kun, I'm very happy that you accepted! The appointment is this Saturday at 10:00 a.m. in front of the konbini nikuya! :)

See you there, Tsukishima-kun :D

He turned off his cell phone with an annoyed grunt and didn't answer.

* * *

The week passed quickly, between classes, training, and a friendly match with Dateko. Tsukishima snapped his tongue, annoyed, as he turned off the alarm clock on his dresser, still sleepy. He dressed calmly, wearing casual clothes that were comfortable enough. He went downstairs for breakfast and, while he was sipping his tea, turned on his cell phone, waiting for the notifications to start coming in.

When he finally unlocked it, the feeling that something was wrong lodged in his stomach. He had four unread messages, but none from Yamaguchi.

The same Yamaguchi who never failed to send him a good night or a good morning, even when he was ill or when they had an argument.

He was going to go to this damn three-way date, but only to take Yamaguchi and drag him somewhere and to figure out what was going on. With these thoughts, he set off at a good pace towards the decided rendezvous.

The konbini had the usual unkempt look and Tsukishima looked with little interest at the signs full of promotions attached to the shop windows. He looked briefly at the clock to ascertain the time, noting that it was now only a few minutes to ten o'clock. Usually, Yamaguchi always made sure to arrive at least fifteen minutes early: there was something strange about this whole thing and he couldn't understand what exactly was bothering him. He let out a frustrated sigh, opting to lean against the light pole behind him.

He looked at his watch again. Ten more minutes had passed and no sign of Yamaguchi. Kei pulled his cell phone out of his pocket, frowning, and sent a quick message to Yamaguchi. He waited a few more seconds before putting it away. He bit his lips, uncertain, and decided to wait a few more minutes, and only then, if Yamaguchi hadn't arrived, he'd go look for him at his house, to the hell with everything.

"Tsukishima-kun!"

Kei had to repress a groan of despair, his lips a hard line, and turned to the source of that shrill voice, coming face-to-face with Hayashi. ' _Ugh_ ,' he thought, sticking his hands in his pocket, ' _she's even dressed up._ ' Hayashi was wearing a green dress, had put on heavy makeup, and had styled her hair. If Tsukishima hadn't found her so irritating, he would have admitted that she was very pretty.

He inclined his head to greet her and began to stare undauntedly at the road from where he knew Yamaguchi would arrive. Did something happen? It wasn't like Yamaguchi to be this late. He attempted to get his cell phone out again when a delicate looking hand grabbed his wrist. Caught by surprise, he turned to the girl, who was watching him with her lips languidly open, batting her eyelashes.

"Tsukishima-kun, where would you like to go now?" Hayashi asked, getting even closer to him. "We could go for a walk in the park..."

Hayashi stopped talking abruptly. Tsukishima vaguely wondered what kind of expression twisted his face to reduce her to silence without even opening his mouth. With a firm snap of his wrist, he escaped her grip and stretched out his lips in an unfriendly smile.

"Where's Yamaguchi?" he spat out, spelling out the words slowly.

Hayashi looked at him confusedly, arching an eyebrow and crossing her arms to her chest, clearly uncomfortable.

"At his house, I suppose?" she replied, curling a lock of hair between her fingers and smiling coquettishly. "You don't know how long it took him to decide to leave us alone and let us go out together! I just don't understand that guy, you know? Isn't it _weird_ that he's always so attached to you, Tsukishima-kun?" Hayashi put her hand on his arm again and started to caress him slowly. "I know you're childhood friends, but you're so cool, Tsukishima-kun, while Yamaguchi is so..."

"What the fuck did you just say?" hissed Kei, letting out a growl from deep inside his throat. "And get your hands off me!"

"But Tsukishima-kun!" she replied, stubbornly continuing to cling to his arm. "I've just arrived and we must start our date!"

Tsukishima gritted his teeth and swallowed all the horrible words that came up to his lips, taking a deep breath to calm his nerves. With measured gestures he pulled his cell phone out of his pocket, opening the conversation with Yamaguchi, ready to send new messages for explanations. The two blue taps on his previous message caught his eye like a magnet, and he pressed the message to look at how long Yamaguchi had been viewing without responding.

Ten minutes.

Kei exhaled through his nose, feeling nauseated when Hayashi's honeyed scent pervaded his nostrils. This wasn't where he was supposed to be. She wasn't the one Kei wanted to spend the afternoon with. Kei yearned - with a desire so deep it shook him - for Yamaguchi's reassuring presence at his side, his stupid smiles, the good smell of laundry in his clothes, and the way his eyes shone with something Kei had never been able to decipher. He noticed that Hayashi was still clutching his arm, but he pulled out of her grasp unceremoniously, taking a few steps away from what they seemed like claws to him.

"Now listen carefully," began Tsukishima in an even voice, "I have no interest in this date. I only showed up because I thought Yamaguchi would come too. I have no feelings towards you whatsoever, and if I hear anything bad about Yamaguchi passing through your lips again..." he narrowed his eyes, lowering his voice to a whisper, "I won't answer for my actions," he concluded, turning and walking away, without stopping to listen to the indignant words Hayashi was shouting at him.

He picked up the phone in his hand and sent another message. When this one too, a few minutes later, had no other outcome than being displayed without a reply, he angrily pressed the button to call Yamaguchi. A few rings later, the sound of the answering machine made Kei emit something not unlike a roar of outrage. He speeded up the pace, his whole body trembling with badly restrained anger, both hands clenched in two tight fists. His fingernails were biting the skin of his palm, and he forced himself to reopen them.

After minutes that seemed endless, he finally passed the familiar walls of Yamaguchi's house. He rushed to the door, forcing himself to ring the bell calmly, so as not to disturb the mother of his childhood friend who was almost certainly at home. A few moments later, it was the dear face of Yamaguchi's mother, who welcomed him with her usual benevolent and serene smile. When he saw her, a veil of calm settled on his shoulders, easing some of the tension that had made his shoulders stiff.

"Kei-kun, how nice is to see you!" the woman greeted him warmly, looking at him with eyes that had the same shade of brown as Yamaguchi's.

Tsukishima nodded respectfully and, not wasting too much time, asked, “Yamaguchi-san, is Tadashi up in his room?" clumsily concealing his impatience.

His heart, however, tightened in a painful grip when he saw the woman's confused face.

"But Kei-kun, did Tadashi forget to tell you?" Her voice was spelling out the words with a delicacy that to Kei seemed immediately a way to lighten the blow he was about to take. "I thought he always told you everything... I'm really sorry, but Tadashi went on a hike around here with some of your teammates. Something about fireflies and shooting stars, if I remember correctly..." she continued, pondering the words carefully. "They won't be back until late tonight."

"Oh," replied Kei, dumbfounded, and he didn’t understand why his eyes were burning so much. "Thank you, ma'am. Tell Tadashi..." he swallowed loudly, his throat dry, his lips almost numb as he spoke Yamaguchi's name out loud. "Tell him I came looking for him."

He blinked a couple of times as if he wanted to sweep away how pathetic he felt at that moment.

"Of course my dear," said Yamaguchi's mother, stroking his arm to comfort him. "Why don't you come in? We could have tea together and you could join me while I finish sewing a tear in Tadashi's uniform."

But Kei was already shaking his head halfway through, tactfully declining the invitation and saying goodbye. The woman's eyes followed him until he turned the corner and disappeared from her sight, and only then did she let out a frustrated sigh, closing the door, and muttering phrases about boys who couldn't communicate despite knowing each other all those years.

* * *

Looking at the crack through the ceiling of his room shouldn't be so interesting, Kei reflected, caressing the small stegosaurus-shaped toy that Yamaguchi had given him when they were still in junior high school. After all that time, the coloring on the animal's back had faded a bit because of the caresses Kei had given him: it was one of his dearest possessions, one of his most beloved. It had kept him company on nights when he couldn't sleep, tormented by his thoughts, and Kei didn't care to pause to think about what his acquaintances would have said if they had known that he still felt comfort in caressing a child's toy. Like so many things going on around him, he didn't care enough to upset him.

He looked away at last, but not before having followed the crack to its beginning, and he turned back on the mattress, curling up a little on himself. Kei took another look at his mobile phone and with a light, resigned sigh, he took it. He quickly unlocked the screen and, although he was expecting it, a wave of discomfort and worry went through him when he saw that Yamaguchi still hadn't replied.

Tsukishima reread their conversation, focusing on what they had exchanged a few days earlier, smiling occasionally at some stupid joke they had written to each other. He closed his eyes, trying to stop the unexpected burning that was accumulating on their edges, stubbornly determined not to let the whole situation break him any more than already had done. The idea that Yamaguchi had sent him on a blind date already made him feel terrible and Kei didn't want to add any more misery to his current state of mind.

He took his headphones and plugged them into his cell phone, closing his eyes and trying to relax. The notes of his favorite artists lulled him into sleep, too tired from all the ups and downs that day had inflicted on him, until the ringing of his phone woke him up. Annoyed, he retrieved it and froze on the spot when he saw who was calling him.

' _Yamaguchi_ ', he thought, and the anger he had forgotten before returned to inflame his veins. He pondered for a few moments whether or not to respond - inflict the same suffering he had endured - but in the end he decided to accept the call, clinging to the fury that made him less aware of how much he was hurting.

“Hello," he said, modulating his voice to be as cold as possible. He heard Yamaguchi exhaling unsteadily, and imagined him in the act of gathering strength. So brave, Yamaguchi, even when he knew all odds were against him.

"Tsukki," he replied in a firm voice, but Kei knew him well enough to recognize a slight tremor. "I know you're angry with me."

Kei remained silent and waited.

"I know that..." Yamaguchi resumed, and Kei knew he was torturing the hem of his jacket even without seeing him. "I know I shouldn't have arranged that appointment without letting you know how things really were. I never would have agreed to something like this if I knew this would be your reaction, but I thought that... that you'd be happy about it."

' _What_ -', Tsukishima thought, astonished, ' _what's_ -'

"You see Tsukki, Hayashi is the first girl you've taken a vague interest in, so I thought to give you a hand would be... nice of me." ' _Nice of him? Vaguely interested?_ ' Kei repeated in his mind, ' _What the fuck_ -'

"Tsukki, I..." He heard Yamaguchi swallow on the other side of the line, before taking a big breath and continuing "I just wanted to help you, really. I didn't think you'd take it like that, I thought I was doing you a favor, I didn't want you to get dragged into my school gossip, I didn't." He stopped, before taking a shaky breath. "I know you're not like _that_ , like me, so I just- I know I can't be for you- I can't-"

"Yamaguchi," Kei interrupted him, sharper than he had intended. "What are you talking about? What gossip? Since when have I have been interested in Hayashi?"

The questions seemed to silence the other boy for a few seconds until a faint: "But Tsukki, you, _hum_ , you must have asked me at least a dozen times about Hayashi-san in the last two weeks alone.”

‘ _Ah, shit._ ’

“I," he ran his tongue over his dry lips, taking a long breath, "I wasn't asking about her because I like her, but because you spent more time with Hayashi after school than me. These last few weeks," Kei pointed out, nervously running his hand through his hair. Yamaguchi said nothing. "What voices are you talking about, Yamaguchi? What _gossip_ are you talking about?" he continued, raising his voice a little, letting all the frustration that had built up in his bones reverberate in his words.

Kei waited a few seconds and, when Yamaguchi still didn't reply, he huffed angrily. "Yamaguchi, will you tell me what-"

“I like guys, Tsukki.”

"-because I don't understand what you're hiding from me- that you _what_?" Kei choked out, gobsmacked. There was no way, _no way_ , that Yamaguchi... that he was... that Kei _could_...

"I'm gay, Tsukki," Yamaguchi calmly repeated, laughing joylessly on the phone. "An old picture of me from last summer appeared, where I was kissing a boy. It's nothing to worry about Tsukki, nothing serious happened, just a few stupid jokes in class. And it's not like I have a boyfriend now, so there's nothing to worry about."

“But Yamaguchi... why didn't you..." ‘ _Why you didn't tell me about it? Why you didn't come to me?_ ’

"I didn't know how to tell you, Tsukki," Yamaguchi replied quietly, and Kei's heart grew heavy when he heard him pull up his nose. "Don't... My parents don't know either."

Kei remained silent, pondering all the new information he had now. In a small, hidden part of his head, crazy thoughts and desires swirled dangerously, thoughts that Kei had forced himself to not watch and analyze too closely. But now... now maybe... _Tadashi_...

"Where are you now?"

Yamaguchi laughed, pulling up his nose again.

"In front of your house."

Tsukishima sprang to his feet, crossing the room in two large strides and opening the window: down there, just as he had said, was Yamaguchi who waved at him.

"Wait there," he hurried to say Kei, before interrupting the call and rushing to open the door. Yamaguchi was there, his hair ruffled and two bags under his reddened eyes, his hands restlessly rubbing the hem of the sweatshirt he was wearing.

"Hello, Tsukki," he greeted him, trying to smile.

"Hello," exhaled Kei, still staring at him.

‘ _Oh_ ,’ he thought, ‘ _oh_.’

And Yamaguchi, brave, fearless Yamaguchi, raised his face and looked him straight in the eye, determined in a way that Kei was privileged to see only during some difficult game, in some impossible feat, when everything was against them and Yamaguchi lit up like a star.

"Tsukki-"

Yamaguchi did not look away even when Kei raised his hand to his face, suppressing a tremor that shook him from head to toe, and stood still as if waiting for an impact. He stared, thunderstruck, when Kei gently took his face in his hands.

_"I know you're not like that, like me, so I just- I know I can't be for you- I can't-"_

Kei let his thumb caress the smooth skin of Yamaguchi's cheek as he drank the small details of his face with rapacious greed: he watched the way his eyelashes blinked fast, the slight redness that stained his freckled cheeks; until his gaze settled on his soft, shiny lips that Yamaguchi was nibbling - a small habit he had when he was anxious or nervous - causing Kei to miss his next breath. He vaguely realized that Yamaguchi drew a wobbly sigh when he swiped his tongue over his own lips, made dry by the spectacle before him. ‘ _Oh_ ,’ he said to himself, ‘ _he feels for me what I feel for him_ …'

"Tsukki- I- wha-" stammered Tadashi, his hands closing hesitantly on Kei's wrists.

"Shut up, Yamaguchi."

Kei kissed him slowly, giving him time to move aside and reject him, but Yamaguchi relaxed completely in his grip. His eyelids lowered until they were closed, and he exhaled a shocked sigh. Kei let their lips touch again, sweet and still hesitant, because he didn't want to break the fragile balance of sighs between them. Yamaguchi was the one who kissed him firmly, wrapping his arms around his neck and letting Kei take him by the hips, so that their bodies touched from head to toe. They kissed, kissed and kissed, pulling away just to take short breaths of air, immediately throwing themselves back into those sweet movements made of lips and caresses.

In the end, they separated to catch their breath. Kei tightened his grip, not wanting to let go. Yamaguchi laughed quietly, joyfully, smiling at him in the sweet way that was reserved only for him, breathing each other's breath. Kei kissed him again, just because he could.

"Shall we go talk in your room?" Tadashi asked quietly, tenderly kissing his cheek.

Kei took his hand, hiding the smile that stretched his face, tugging and encouraging Tadashi to speed up the pace.

‘ _Oh_ ,’ he thought, when Yamaguchi looked at him with ears as red as strawberries, ‘ _oh, this is what it feels like to be in love_.’

* * *

The days passed in a whirlwind of laughter, red cheeks, and stolen kisses in some dark corner of their school or inside the security of their rooms. After almost a month, Tsukishima was still ecstatic with joy. The mere thought that now he could hold Yamaguchi in his arms, kiss him and cuddle him when he wanted to almost always brought a smile to his lips, which Kei took great care to hide when they were not alone.

Tsukishima had to force himself to look away when they were changing in the locker room, least he embarrassed himself. ‘ _This is_ my _boyfriend_ ’, he thought, still dazed by happiness. Yamaguchi had become muscular after all those months of frantic training, and the defined lines of his abs attracted Kei's gaze irresistibly. ‘ _His skin looks so smooth_ ,’ he thought, trying not to be too obvious during his scrutiny, ‘ _soft and firm_ …' He slipped his gaze down to Tadashi’s buttocks still covered by the team's shorts; his hands were itching to caress him, but he tried to pull himself together, meticulously folding his uniform into the volleyball bag. ‘ _Soon_ ,’ he promised himself, putting his bag on his shoulders and sitting in one of the benches while silently waiting for Yamaguchi to finish. From the look his boyfriend sent him, it was clear that his careful inspection had not gone unnoticed. Kei let his lips curl into a slight smile, lowering his head onto his phone and putting headphones over his ears.

Kageyama and Hinata were cheerfully bickering just a few steps away from him, while the first-year boys were laughing. Kei closed his eyes and leaned back on the lockers, lulled by the music. A few minutes later, the slight touch of Yamaguchi's hand pulled him out of his brief rest and with a nod of his head showed that they were ready to go. They said goodbye to their team, and Kei didn't fail to notice Hinata's slightly suspicious expression or Kageyama's confused one; the little smirk that crossed Noya's lips, or Tanaka's salacious wink. He simply pretended to not seeing, and put his hand on Yamaguchi's back to urge him out.

They didn't talk much on the way home, and if that used to worry Kei, it wasn't so now: he had learned that Yamaguchi preferred not to talk too much after school, because he preferred to let Kei hold his hand when they walked together to one of their homes. Only then, very frequently sitting in his lap, Tadashi would throw himself into the fervent story of his day, letting Kei kiss him from time to time and caress him when something had upset him in a particular way. Other days they would lie in bed, kissing each other for minutes, breathlessly, and with the beginning of what could very quickly become an erection. The embarrassment that ensued when one of them had to apologize and go to the bathroom, Kei could do without, but he didn't complain much.

Today, however, a quiet tension hovered between them, pervaded by expectations and painted with a hint of fear.

When they arrived at Tsukishima's front door, Kei squeezed Yamaguchi's hand slightly before letting go to get the keys out of the bag. It took him a few seconds longer than usual to open the door, his movements imprecise. He took a deep breath to calm his nerves, and stepped aside to let Yamaguchi in, who offered him an uncertain yet loving smile.

"Shall we go?" he asked, turning and extending his hand to Yamaguchi. He looked at him with an unusual light in his eyes but accepted it without fear. So brave, his Yamaguchi...

They climbed the stairs hand in hand, smiling with cautious excitement. The click that produced the door of Kei's room behind them had a note of finality. They looked at each other. ‘ _Are you sure?_ ’, said Kei's eyes, insecure. ‘ _Always_ ’, Tadashi’s answered, taking his face in his hands to kiss him softly.

With hesitant hands they undressed slowly, their kisses becoming more and more languid and wet, caressing each other everywhere their hands could reach. They made love in silence, with whispered phrases in their ears, moans of pleasure pressed on their skin. Later, when passion made them tired and sleepy, they laid together in bed, cuddling under the covers. Kei kissed him again, and Tadashi smiled on his lips. ‘ _I love you_ ’, Kei's caresses murmured, ‘ _I love you_ ’ said all the little kisses he couldn't seem to stop giving.

"I love you," said Tadashi, when Kei confessed that his freckles were like constellations to him. "Never let me go."

"Never," replied Kei, allowing Tadashi's breath to lull him to sleep.

The air was murky on that sultry August day, and the cicadas were chirping happily among the tree foliage; the ants were busy moving everything that could be edible to their dens, moving frantically. Not a blow of wind shook the leaves and there, lying on the grass and protected from the burning sun by that great foliage, a young man rested. A veil of sweat beaded his forehead and his blond eyebrows, though the shade of the majestic tree sheltered him up to his torso; the summer heat made his hands sticky and his throat thirsty. His glasses slid down to the tip of his nose from time to time, though he always put them back in place. He let out an annoyed sigh. Of all the seasons, summer was the one he liked least: the perpetual sensation of sweat irritated him, and his numerous attempts to cool down were always in vain - ice cream, cold showers, and air conditioner seemed to have no effect other than giving him an annoying sore throat.

He settled back, placing his head between two protruding roots that allowed him to rest comfortably. He squinted his eyelids, letting his eyes scrutinize the branches of the tree; the green of the leaves was dazzling and, thanks to the intervention of the sun's rays, Kei lost himself following with his eyes the joyful play of light among the branches. This was one of the few things he liked about summer. This particular little show was always different, never the same, and Kei appreciated it for its unrepeatability. Every moment was different from the other, and he often looked at the branches, even as he walked.

"Kei!"

Tadashi ran to him, and Kei didn't complain when his fiancé embraced him vigorously, sweaty and sticky. Yes, he thought, holding Tadashi tightly to his chest, summer was certainly not his favorite season, but that wouldn't dissuade him from showing his boyfriend how much he loved him.

After all, they were getting married.

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first translation in English of one of my Italian fics, I hope it's not bad as I fear. Let me know if you liked it, even just with some kudos! 
> 
> ✉ Find me on Tumblr ([GENERAL BLOG](http://maiko-chanefp.tumblr.com/) \+ [PERSONAL BLOG](https://virahaus.tumblr.com/)), [EFP](https://efpfanfic.net/viewuser.php?uid=483042), [FB](https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100007338947067), [Twitter](https://twitter.com/love_maikochan), [Wattpad](https://www.wattpad.com/user/ApprendistaGeisha), and [Writer's wing](http://writerswing.altervista.org/viewuser.php?uid=221) ✉  
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